Warning: Sexual topic and may trigger.
When I was three, my 18 year old uncle played hide and seek with me in my grandmothers basement. He stuck his dick in my mouth until I gagged. When I was four, another drunk uncle came into my aunt’s bedroom, where I was sleeping, while the family played cards and drank beer in the kitchen. He jerked himself off by laying down behind me touching my private parts.
For anyone who asks why didn’t I yell or say something. The 18 year old uncle had primed me. I loved cards. I loved looking at them. I loved that I could hold that card in my little three year old hand. One day all the cards were on the floor. Uncle told me to pick them up. Being three, I said no. He picked up the cards and made me stand by the pot bellied stove with the fire burning and tossed the cards in one-a-time. He told me over and over, “See what happens when you say no? You made these cards burn up because you wouldn’t pick them up.” “This is all your fault.”
Abusers prime their victims. It was after the card incident that he stuck his dick in my three year old mouth. I now know that I experienced trauma.
How does this relate to Joe Biden? I don’t believe Joe is a sexual abuser. I don’t believe Joe thought that what he was doing with smelling people’s hair, kissing the back of their head, etc., made some uncomfortable. But someone talked to Joe and he put out a really good video. Becoming mindful and “respecting” personal space.
I told my parents what my mother’s brothers did to me because it came back up in my psyche when I was in my 40’s. This was after my two children had told me they too had been molested. My three year old son was jerked off by a 13 year old boy when playing hide and seek. My four year old daughter was sexually molested in the bathroom at daycare by one of the pregnant adult daughters’ “friends.” Side note: my adult daughter has Sensory Perception Disorder and if Joe Biden touched her, in any way from behind, her nervous system would freak the hell out. It’s like a seizure.
Five years after I told my parents that I was molested and by whom, but not the details, my mother called me to tell me they put an offer down on a house in uncle’s retirement community. Numbness ensued. She called three days later and asked if “it was okay if they bumped into him?” I told her “whatever.” Obviously I was of no importance (as I hadn’t been all my life because my mother was a narcissist.)
They moved. They didn’t just “bump into” him. My father played cards and golf weekly with uncle. They socialized with him and his wife at concerts, dinners, and more. I told my mother I didn’t want to hear about him when she called. Repeatedly she would say “I know you don’t want to hear about him, but…...” Being the dutiful daughter and trained from very young, don’t say NO, I listened to her stories about him. Numbness continued.
After seven years, my father passed away and mother moved back to our area. Continuing in therapy, my therapist pointed his finger at me and said, “Your father played golf and cards with the man who molested his daughter.” Wham! Numbness ended. Pain and anger began. I asked my mother if they were ever uncomfortable being around uncle? Yes, they were but they “only thought it was touchy feely.”
They “only thought it was touchy feely.” Not only does that confirm that they knew I was molested but they dismissed my experience as something not important. How many survivors of rape, sexual assault, and sexual molestation have been dismissed or made to feel it was their own fault? My experiences were minimized by my own parents. Before my mother died, I damn well told her the details and she stopped me — it was too awful for her to hear. I lived it.
This is Joe Biden, the day after putting out the first video. I have posted in numerous diary comments that it’s not that Joe Biden was touching, hugging, smelling people’s hair, kissing their forehead, or the back of their head. Because he joked about it the next day, he dismissed and minimized what he said the day before. Personal boundaries are not a joke. Being uncomfortable if someone comes into that space is not a joke. He does need to be mindful and respect everyone’s personal space.
If I see changes in Joe’s behavior, or he addresses this issue seriously and not joke about it, I will vote for Joe in the primary. If not, I will vote for Joe Biden if he wins the primary.