Given that Trump has decided that removing funding for healthcare for millions of people is a fine thing to do in order to create a “strong negotiating position”, what other things could he do in order to create an even greater emergency, thus leading to an EVEN BETTER negotiating position?
- One by one, begin unplugging patients on life support at Chicago Children’s Hospital. “Give me my tax cuts, Democrats. These children aren’t my fault. I don’t accept that.”
- Get the nuclear football out. Start putting in launch codes, one number at a time. “Some say Democrats are getting ready to create a nuclear holocaust. Crooked, tax increasing Democrat Party bosses can save you. TRAVEL BAN, er, PAUSE, now! Anyway, what’s so bad about Nuclear Winter?”
- Tell Stephen Miller to get the entire WH grounds crew to turn on all of the hoses at once, and then get Gorka and Bannon to help flush all the toilets in the West Wing. “As soon as Liberal Democrat Senators install a Trump Golf Course and Casino on the White House lawn, the flooding will end!”
- Pass an Exec Order to close down one orphanage per day. Declare all of them as enemy combatants and anchor babies, and deport them to Venezuela. “Until DemoRats apologize for saying I have small hands, I’m going to send these kids to live in Crooked Hillary’s Favorite Crooked Socialist country! Valenzuela! Sure, they might suffer, but it’s not my fault. My hands are tied. The LIE beral party is sending these kids to Vemnambia! I don’t accept responsibility!”
- Begin pardoning violent criminals, ten at a time. “Look at all these criminals being placed in Detroit by the BAD big government! Big government never solves anything. It’s out of my hands! The sad Democrat party bosses are allowing the flow of violent criminals into society. They can stop it now! All they have to do is pass a law making it illegal to criticize my weight!”
- Release thousands of venomous snakes into a water ride at a major theme park in the US. Don’t tell anyone the name of the park. “If the sad, pathetic, anti wall, pro baby murder Democrats won’t let American hero Julian Assange back into his native homeland of the USA, then they’re responsible for all of the 20 dead park visitors, plus the 10 still in the hospital.”
- Order air strikes on drivers’ license renewal locations in liberal states. “If you’re having trouble getting your ID for voting, blame the Dumbocrats! If they’d just negotiate with GOP about creating new system of debt prisons, you’d be able to go and get your driver’s license.”
- Tell the White House roof sniper to go take a break, have a Diet Coke, and get the phone ready to tweet. “Criminal Democrat leaders can stop this.”
- Begin filling out his resignation papers, one letter at a time.
On a separate note, how hard do you suppose it would be to get Trump fans to actually support a daily moment of patriotism requirement? I think it wouldn’t be hard at all.