[Snuggly the Security Bear]
Avast, ye scurvy dogs! Heeheeheehee!
I'm here to protect you from pirates! Internet pirates!
Since I'm so good at spying on Americans, now . . .
. . . I'm working with Hollywood to make you even more snuggly and secure!
You see, pirating movies and music and stuff robs our economy of over two-hundred billion dollars, or, it could be twenty billion, er (maybe just a few hundred million.)
Either way, it's bad!
And if you don't agree with the Motion Picture Association of America, you're bad too, just like the Internet!
That's why we're trying to get Congress to pass bills to change the Internet!
(If only you Internet activists would quit your meddling! Humph!)
See, we need to make everyone a deputy in the fight against piracy. If you're not with us, you must be against us, so the government will shut your site down!
But the best kind of censorship is the kind done by isps in exchange for immunity. You'll be deputized, or else you'll be shut down! Heeheeheehee!
Sneaky stuff on the Internet will be a thing of the past! So long pro-democracy, hello, anti-piracy!
It's time to protect the Entertainment Industry from the scourge of the VCR, er, DVDs, I mean-- the Internet!
So support a stronger SOPA and PIPA and you'll be more snuggly and secure!
Trust us! Heeheeheehee!