Yeah, that's right. I said it! I don't know how to play a guitar yet, but if I did, these people would totally wish that they were as good as me. Rest assured, I am logging plenty of hours of 'Rock Band' and I even have an acoustic with some instructional DVDs in my closet. Pretty soon... it's gonna be on!!
As soon as I can get me some dexterity, and rhythm steroids and some really cool black leather pants I am gonna get out there and show everyone what they've been missing! It's true! I am tired of being underestimated as a guitarist just because I have never played and am not particularly coordinated!!
Join me below the fold for some examples of the kinds of overrated bums to whom my skills will lay waste and maybe even add your own guitar weaklings to the list.
First of all, anyone named King had best watch out! Oh yeah! I will start right off with a hat trick! These guys? Pffft, peeshaw and such!! They'll be green with envy!!
First these Kings think they're so hot just because of some Freddie dude:
As if that wasn't enough these King people just gotta throw this B.B. dude all up in your face playing a duet with some Billy F. Gibbons biker guy:
Then wouldn't you know it? There's another person named King plucking and bending strings! Like I couldn't do that too!
I mean come on! Listen to this under achieving:
And who is that young kid trying to play along?! What's his deal? Him and his hotshot brother! The Vaughans are on notice!
And don't think that I will take it easy on a slacker like Debbie Davies just because she's a woman:
Everyone knows women can't play guitar anyway. Ana Popvic is proof enough of that:
Oh and I forgot to mention that Debbie Davies thinks we're all supposed to real impressed just because she used to play with Albert Collins. Yeah right, the Iceman is supposed to be impressive:
Maybe I will try to join The Allman Brothers Band. They've never been able to find a decent guitarist. They've always been messing around with small time talents like Duane, or Dickie Betts or Dereck Trucks and Warren Haynes:
Oh and speaking of guitarists that I would surely best almost effortlessly, there's alway Clarence 'Gatemouth' Brown:
I mean the guy could have at least tried!
And just to prove that blues isn't the only genre that is just lacking for people who know how to pluck a string:
This is just a very short, truncated list of guitarists who would totally wish that they were as good as me if I knew how to play a guitar. There are plenty of others who could be added to the list. Can you think of any? This one perhaps?