It's true! Obama had a dinner party at George Will's house! I followed him there and I was going to sneak up on the roof and lower a microphone down the Will chimney; but Mr. Will's bushes are so neatly manicured even in January that I was spotted right away. Fortunately I was able to slip the bug into the Secret Service man's coat pocket as he wrestled me to the immaculately mowed lawn. The Secret Service man did not return to the Will house for an hour, so all we have is what happened after the President-Elect left. I apologize, but it is better than nothing.
DAVID BROOKS: Well.
WILLIAM KRISTOL: Yes.
GEORGE WILL: Wow.
KRISTOL: What do you mean, "Wow"?
WILL: Only that he's very impressive, in person. I had no idea--
KRISTOL: Of course you had an idea. You called me and asked which tie to wear. You were in such a tizzy, George. I thought you were going to faint.
WILL: Well, I thought you'd be the one to ask, Bill. You're the one who said he made you sweat or whatever.
KRISTOL: That was about the dogs. I said that showed great political savvy, the dogs--
BROOKS: Still, gentlemen, you both seemed to me to be asking him about the subject of the dogs too much. There wasn't enough substance.
WILL: Oh, David, you're just upset that you got the allergic daughter wrong. You flushed when he said 'It's Malia.' Absolutely flushed! It was--
BROOKS: Don't you dare.
WILL: Disproportionate.
BROOKS: I'll admit to disproportionate--
KRISTOL: Fine, but you won't admit to what it really was. It was unmanly.
BROOKS: Unmanly! You have enormous nerve--a surprising amount of nerve, even considering both sides of the question--to say such a thing.
KRISTOL: Why not? Jeanne Kirkpatrick said it. Well, okay, she only said that Bush was manly and that the stuff he did in Iraq was manly but if that was manly--and I don't think anyone could disagree that it was manly--than what are we to call the way you blushed when you--
BROOKS: Flushed. And George was pulling at his bow tie and sweating.
WILL: It was hot! And he is so TALL! Anyway, he clearly preferred me. He directed most of his questions to me.
KRISTOL: He DID NOT! He liked ME!
BROOKS: You are both equally wrong. The bulk of his questions--
WILL: Oh, cram it, David. He wanted to discuss Burke with me the whole time, and you two just sat here sipping your stupid drinks. You want to know something? Next time I'm not even going to CALL YOU!
BROOKS: Giving equal credence to all evidence, George, I seriously doubt there will be a next time. In any case, you drank too much and we have to--
WILL: GO! GO! BOTH OF YOU! GET OUT! OUT OUT OUT! YOU BOTH STINK! [LONG PAUSE]
[Door slams]
WILL: AND DON'T WALK NEAR THE BUSHES! I HAVE THOSE CLIPPED DURING THE WINTER! ESPECIALLY THE CONE-SHAPED ONES!