I remember when my state banned gay marriage. Unlike what happened in California, nobody was all that surprised when Oklahoma voted to ban gay marriage via a state question Nov. 4, 2004 by a 3-to-1 margin.
What I remember from this was the protests that the state question sparked. My then-future wife and I took part in a protest, standing alongside other Okies who didn't want to see exclusion written into our constitution. I don't remember if the people on the other side were counter-protesting, or if we were the counter-protesters, but I started to notice something.
There were little children there, not even old enough to enter kindergarten. They stood with their parents and held signs with Bible verses written on them and slogans reading, "Marriage = one man, one woman."
I remembered my own upbringing. I, too, had been taught to distrust gays. I was told that they were inherently wicked people, on par with child molesters, and destined to go to hell. I wondered if those children with the signs would one day grow up to be like me, growing to reject the nonsense they'd been taught, or whether they would continue to leave their minds closed as they grew.
How would I have felt if the kids with the signs had been on my side of the argument? Well, I've done a lot of thinking about this over the years, and I have no choice but to oppose that as well.
These children didn't arrive at the point of view of their parents by a lot of careful thought and introspection. No, they were told how to feel about the issue. Or else the issue was described to them in such a way that any other conclusion other than their parents' way of thinking would have been unthinkable to them.
It's not about the issue. It's about allowing your kids to make up their own minds.
The broader question here is, "Do parents have an obligation to raise their kids to think like they do? Is it right for a parent to try to determine the political views of their sons or daughters?"
From where I'm sitting right now, as the parent of a 9-month-old boy, I have to answer No.
I can understand how a person might argue otherwise. But the way I see it, the only obligation I have is to raise my son to have compassionate ideas. This is done by teaching him a compassionate outlook.
He may grow up to be conservative, or he may be liberal. Or, like me, a combination of the two. But no matter what he calls his politics, I want him to know that his ideas are useful only to the extent that they are humane and compassionate toward other people.
I don't want to open up a whole new can of worms here, but this is how I view parenting and religion as well. My son can be a member of any faith (or no faith at all) so long as his beliefs lead him to care about other people and treat them as he would himself.
It's entirely possible that my son and I will disagree on many things -- political, religious or otherwise. As long as his ideas pass the compassion test, I don't think the disagreements will bother me that much.
Probably the best part of being a parent so far is thinking about what kind of man my son will grow up to become. I can only hope to instill him with the kind of morals that are common to all good people, and that this will lead him to treat other people with the kind of kindness he'd like to be treated with himself.
I learned the other week that my son shares his food with other kids at his day care. Maybe children are naturally giving and compassionate. If that's the case, then all I have to do is not mess that up.