This evening the White House released the official signing statement by George W. Bush regarding interpretation and enforcement of the Voting Rights Act Extension of 2006.
Follow me to the flip.
Text of George Bush's Signing Statement on the Occasion of the
2006 Renewal of the Voting Rights Act
In my duty as Commander in Chief and the Decider, I have decided to sign this very important law to protect minority voting rights in the United States. I understand that for years many minority groups have been denied fair representation in Congress, the Senate, the House of Representatives, and on the Capital Hill. Many heroes have fought hard to write these wrongs in the law, including my good friend and fellow Texan, Tom DeLay.
As President, I took an oath to decide which minorities need my protection. It is not an easy job, but I was elected by the American people to protect them, and that is what they expect me to do. Incidentally, the fact that I was elected by a minority of the voters gives me a special meaning in making sure this law works!
In enforcing this law, I hereby instruct Gonzo-Al the Department of Justice to lend extra protection to the following minorities:
Billionaires: We have no greater minority in this country than billionaires, a situation I am trying to remedy through a visionary tax policy. Until such time that I am able to remove the extraordinary demands placed on these oppressed individuals by Congressional Democrats, the Justice Department is instructed to ensure these folks are apportioned voting strength in proportion to their contributions.
Republicans: Time and again it is shown that Republicans make up a minority of American voters, and it is only through the remedy of carefully drawn congressional districts that they are able to win seats in Congress. The Justice Department is hereby instructed to lend all material support to the efforts of State legislatures that seek to increase the representation of Republicans on Kapital Capital Hill.
Bush Supporters: My supporters are an ever-dwindling minority, who are in grave danger of losing all representation in Congress in the November election. Both the Justice Department and the Department of Homeland Security are hereby instructed to take steps to protect the influence of this depressed oppressed minority.
Evangelical Christians: This group, which is constantly under attack by Democrats in Congress and the Media, has seen a big notable erosion in its voting strength since 2004. I hereby instruct the Senate and House to focus exclusively on the concerns of these folks between now and November to ensure this vocal minority is over-represented at the polling booths on election day.
No Longer Minorities
In my wisdom as President, I have also made the determination that the following groups of people no longer need special protection under the Voting Rights Act.
Brown People: When I drive to and from the White House, when I watched the news coverage of Hurricane Katrina from Crawford, and when I meet real troops in Iraq when I go there as commander in chief, it is clear to me that brown people are no longer a minority in America. They are all over the place. In fact today I went to a meeting where there was a whole conference center full of brown people. I think they can hold their own without some special government handout.
Immigrants: Anybody who has visited a farm in California or a Walmart anywhere sees through that "urban legend" that immigrants are a minority. In fact, when you count up all the jobs these folks are working, they probably make up more than 52% of the number of job-holders, which everyone knows is not a minority. If they wish to obtain minority protections, they are just going to have to become billionaires, Republicans, evangelical Christians or supporters of me like everyone else.
Other Provisions
I am strongly opposed to the so-called "Poll Tax," or any taxes for that matter. I hereby instruct the IRS to give a 15% tax reduction to all registered voters in the spirit of this Act. (To ensure that we do not unnecessarily increase the deficit, we will be fiscally responsible and exempt all voters earning less than $125,000 a year).
I am also opposed to literacy tests of all kinds. I know the pain of being discriminated against by an "elitist" literacy test. I was almost excluded from Yale because of one. If you can't see it on Fox News or hear it from Rush, you don't need to know it to vote.
Ordered on this day,
July 20, 2006
Geo Joor Gorg George W. Bush
Decider in Chief