I wrote an earlier article asking for help which didn’t fully explain what’s going on. If your going to respond to this, I would appreciate it if you would read all of this article first.
You should also understand that my only access to a computer now is at the public library, which limits me to sessions of no longer than an hour at a time. I can get in two, or possibly three sessions today if I’m lucky. During that time I have to handle every email response, coordinate my campaign, and write this article.
I won't have time to do all that. It will not be possible for me to respond to comments sooner than several days, because this library is closed tomorrow, and the buses aren’t running. I’m not choosing to limit my time; i don’t have access.]
If you doubt the truth of anything I say, and are nearby, you may come by and see me in Pueblo, Colorado. I live in Woodhaven Apartments #104, in Belmont.
My name is Michael Webb. I have been disabled for many years, but I wanted very badly to get a job. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, though I feel they made the wrong diagnosis. Whenever I worked around crowds of people it became impossible for me to control my emotions, and I became increasingly unable to remember things while this happened. After I was left for awhile my moods would stabilize and I would get my memory back.
Eventually I decided to become a medical transcriptionist, because most medical transcriptionists work from home. It took me two years to get help paying for it. I found it very difficult to concentrate, and it went slowly, but I got through it. Unfortunately, the first school closed and all the students lost their money.
I wasn’t willing to quit at that point. I had moved out of my group home so I could study and work on a computer. I took out credit cards and used them to pay for equipment and go to another school for medical transcription.
When you study transcription you work with real medical records with the personal data bleeped out. One day I reviewed the case of a child whose medical history sounded exactly like my own childhood. He hoarded food, had explosive rages, and couldn’t listen in school. He was given a medication which worked, so I asked my doctor to give me his prescription.
Unlike the other fifteen medications I had taken, the medication worked immediately. I could feel its effects on the first day. I remember walking outside and looking up at the sky about an hour after I took it, and then walking down to the corner to take the bus. Normally I hated going anywhere on the bus and avoided it compulsively.
That day was the first time I ever made small talk with anyone on the bus. Usually every sound and conversation bothered me, but that time I was able to deal with it all.
Suddenly, the medical transcription work became much easier. Every month that went by, I began to learn faster.
I finally graduated many years after I started. After I began looking for work, I found that it was almost impossible to find a job. Nine months later I finally got one as an “independent contractor.” That means I was paid less than four dollars an hour. I also had to buy a foot pedal, maintain a high speed internet connection, and occasionally buy software. Medical transcription had been outsourced to India.
I realized I would not be able to support myself at that job, and I looked around for any sort of other work I could. I had no car, and had been unemployed for years. I made a database of 1200 potential employers, and tracked all my applications. I never found another job.
While I was looking I continued to teach myself new skills on the computer. I had sketched and drawn pictures for a long time, but eventually I found a tool called Blender that allowed you to make models, and pictures.
I began writing a story which I would use Blender to tell. I wanted to use it to make animated movies, so I taught myself all the skills needed. Normally when Pixar does a movie, an entire crew of people works on it. This includes modelers, texture artists, riggers, animators, and very likely scripters.
I have learned how to do all of those things. I had to learn it on my own, without books or teachers, because my loans for medical transcription had gone into default. (No, vocational assistance won’t help me, because they helped me with the first school. Yes I already asked. It would be insane for me not to have gone to anyone I could for help going to school. There is no help. None.)
I made a preview video which isn’t very good, as it was my first attempted. I burned out my video card and had to go buy a new one after doing it, but the link is here.
I continued working with my computer as it was, and realized that making fully animated movies wasn’t realistic with my system. I decided that I would tell the story I began four years ago, but tell it in text, illustrations, and occasionally animations. The launch date was the 20th of this month, and I was probably going to make it.
Last Monday, my computer died. It appears to be the motherboard. I don’t know how I will ever buy another one.
I am still unemployed, and have not been able to get a job in about ten years, besides a brief stint as a medical transcriptionist where I made a few hundred a month.
I badly wish to contribute to society, but I can’t do that without the basic tools of the profession I’m trying to enter. I’ve done a lot working only with open source software, and entirely by having taught myself over a period of four years. If it ends here, everything I ever did was a waste of time.
Please follow me on facebook and vote up my link, if you would like to help. I'm sorry to ask for help, I really didn't want to.
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I will now answer some of the responses that I expect to this article. I've already heard them many times, so I may as well respond now.
Student Loans are not affected by bankruptcy.
But someone will say, you can apply for financial hardship.
My response: Do you suppose that the same lawyer who does a normal bankruptcy will represent me long enough to pursue that more difficult case?
Also note: I do not have $450. I can barely feed myself.
You should get lower rent
I would love to. I can't afford to move. I don't own a car. I couldn't possibly afford a deposit.
You should back up your work
I did. How is it relevant that a backup exists, if I have no path to another computer?
You should apply for help:
I did. Do you really think that over the ten years all this happened, that I didn’t?
I probably know more about local welfare programs than anyone reading this article. They are stretched to the limit, and breaking. Some programs which are supposed to be implemented aren’t really available because of budgeting cuts. I've lost my food stamps three times over the last few years and had to reapply, and it's frequently caused me to get very hungry. When I go out to a foodbank, I usually get almost no food because their supplies are exhausted.
Not merely for my own reasons, I want people to understand this. The programs that you think are there frequently aren't. Just because a law has been passed to give someone something, that doesn't mean they will receive it. Sometimes there is no money budgeted for it. When this happens, it is parceled out to as many people as possible, and sometimes I'm not at the head of the line.
Use the library computer:
I can't even run Blender at the Library. I can't install any of the software I use on the computer at the Library. That isn't a solution in any possible way. The fact that you would suggest it, indicates that you don't understand what I'm doing.
You are risking losing your disability:
Last year during the winter, I collapsed while walking home with my groceries. Living in poverty is unhealthy, and I consider the computer my only chance of ever improving my life. I have to take the bus for hours to get to the center of town, and usually walk to get my groceries because its faster, and the chaos of the bus is still hard on me.
My only social contacts are on the internet. I have spent something like ten to fifteen hours or more on the computer every day for years. I can’t even imagine what life will be like without one. My skills are already degenerating, and its getting harder to think.
What kind of madness is it to suggest that I didn't consider the consequences of seeking help?
I know exactly what the rules are on earning money on Social Security. I've been trying to get a job for ten years.
If you can’t help that’s fine, I understand. The economy is hard on all of us. I would appreciate you voting up my campaign on facebook and helping me attracting attention to my godfund me campaign if you can.
I will absolutely consider any further suggestions that I haven’t thought this through an insult. I know my situation far better than you do. Everything I do, I do with a plan. Everything. This gofundme campaign is the only exception. I had to do this in a hurry, because my computer died unexpectedly and I have no access to what I prepared. Things would have been handled differently on the 20th.
I doubt that any of you you would want to live my life. I certainly don’t. I did all this because I wanted a better one.
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