This time of year, the internet is rife with ideas on how to cut down on consumerism and make the holidays more personal and meaningful. The web is also full of ways to maintain the status quo by hitting all the sales and buying the goods that you and your loved ones don’t really need. It’s a world of mixed messages. You have to know your own mind and make educated decisions. But what if you don’t have the luxury of choice to have or not have too much?
I thought carefully about posing this question about giving because donating time, money, and goods to those in need and/or the organizations that look out for people is, unfortunately, essential. I don’t have much to spare, but I give what I can at the end of every year to a small handful of local charities, and throughout the year to campaigns or efforts organized to help others (as they often are here on the DK).
For several years now, a friend of mine has been helping a young family that is just getting by. Both parents work minimum wage jobs, but not always full-time, and as you know, minimum wage isn’t a living wage. For Christmas my friend buys each family member a small gift and adds food to their holiday meal to help round it out.
Last Christmas, the name of this family ended up on an “adopt a family for the holidays” list, most likely through their church. On Christmas Eve, the young dad called my friend in a sort of a panic. The gifts and food from the “adopt a family” effort had arrived, and he was overwhelmed. They were up late into the night trying to wrap all the gifts, and when they ran out of wrapping paper, they started putting toys in plastic grocery bags and throwing them under the tree. There were also lots of clothes (lots and lots) and food and gift cards.
On Christmas morning, the kids (aged two and four) went wild. They had no interest in the clothes, chucking them aside to grab another package, and by the time the meal was ready, they were too wired and tired to eat. The little boy received a toy car from my friend and around 12 donated trucks and cars—all new. And there were balls, and books, and games, and stuffed toys. His little sister received a doll from my friend and ten donated dolls along with a list similar to her brother’s. The message of giving was buried under all the getting.
I know—there are dozens of ways that the parents of this family, with the help of my friend, could have dealt with the sudden windfall like donating on or putting gifts aside for birthdays or just putting the clothes away to use when needed, but as I said, they were overwhelmed. The young couple was thankful, of course, but told my friend it was all too much—it was overdone. He would never say anything to the organizers of the effort for fear of appearing ungrateful.
Two years ago a youth group my daughter was involved in adopting a family. There was no coordination among the group members, and we filled a room with the bounty. I remember feeling a little inadequate because I bought a book and an article of clothing for each child (all second hand, gently used—that’s how our family shops) and a gift card for the mom. The other families in our group came in with bags and bags of stuff from all the department stores at the mall and a healthy stack of gift cards. In the end, I realized that giving had provided a few with the excuse to shop.
I’m not trying to be scroogey, honestly, but consumerism, too much stuff, and our throw-away culture are almost sacrilege topics when it comes to giving. I don’t think they should be. I believe they should be kept in mind. I had childhood Christmases when there were no gifts, and my children have been through some lean times. It’s in those years that yearnings for more begin to surface. I get it. I get needing and wanting, and I get needing to give.
But the solutions to too much stuff shouldn’t lie with the families and individuals who benefit from a community's generosity. The organizers of the giving effort should come up with ways to make sure all the requests for what’s needed and wanted for a brighter holiday for these families and individuals are met, but not grossly exceeded. It's OK for donors to ask how much is enough and what the priorities for giving are.
Last year our local Boys and Girls club made a plea for people to donate experiences for the kids instead of stuff—passes to movies, zoos, water parks, museums, etc. The gifts of time and skills are priceless. Charities will often put gift cards and cash at the top of their wish lists for their constituents because it helps them get everyone what they really need and even what they would like to have without over doing it.
Rich or poor, when a little kid wishes for a truck, maybe just a truck or two (possibly gently used) is enough.