Today's Washington Post headline: "Unorthodox police procedures emerge in grand jury documents." I'm confused. I don't know whether to send the Washington Post a dictionary for Christmas, a thesaurus, or a history book. One thing I do know, "unorthodox" doesn't convey what truly happened here. Not even close.
When Ferguson, Mo., police officer Darren Wilson left the scene of the fatal shooting of unarmed teenager Michael Brown, the officer returned to the police station unescorted, washed blood off his hands and placed his recently fired pistol into an evidence bag himself.
If I was describing that, I don't think I would go with "unorthodox." There's got to be a better way to describe that. I'm sure there's another word for that. Let me think for a second. I know this... It's on the tip of my tongue....
TAMPERING WITH EVIDENCE!
Yeah, that's it. Tampering with evidence. That's what they call it. Nothing unorthodox about that. Criminals do it all the time. As I recall, tampering with evidence was one of the reasons an attractive, rich, and powerful white lady named Martha Stewart wound up in FEDERAL prison on felony charges.
I guess things are different in Missouri. I mean, Wilson was just being helpful. A good Scout, cleaning up after his mess, right? Remember, this is Ferguson PD. You can get charged with destruction of property just for bleeding on their uniforms. Guns aren't cheap, dontchyaknow?! You can't just leave blood and fingerprints all over them. That will ruin the finish on the barrel. Besides, who's going to want to use a dirty gun? You think a suspect is going to stop what they're doing if you pull out a dirty gun? Sure, they might stop, but only to mock you. I'm sure he was thinking that, and imagining something like this going down:
Police: Halt! Or I'll shoot!
[Suspects pause and look]
Suspect #1: Yo, check out that nasty nine, Dawg!
Suspect #2: Day-um! What you gonna do? Blow us away and spread Ebola?
Suspect #1: That's cold, Yo. Adding insult to injury and shit...
I could be wrong, but we'll never know. Apparently, Wilson wasn't the only one being "unorthodox" that day.
Wilson’s movements after the shooting were among a number of police actions in the aftermath of Brown’s death that experts said were unusual. The grand jury transcripts revealed, for example, that the officers who interviewed Wilson immediately after the shooting did not tape the conversations.
His fellow officers were clearly being mindful of the department's recording budget. Why waste valuable cassette tapes on recording when you can just go by memory? Why waste valuable pen and paper writing stuff down? You know it will probably get lost when you file it away. Haven't you seen Raiders of the Lost Ark? They stored the Ark of the Covenant in that big old warehouse and now look where we are. Have you seen the Ark? Yeah, me neither.
Besides, who cares. We know how unreliable witnesses are. Especially when they contradict your story line. McCulloch has been doing this kind of coverup investigation for decades. He knows. That's why it's all about the physical evidence. That's what they pay medical examiners for. Thank God for them, right?
The transcripts also showed that an investigator from the medical examiner’s office opted not to take measurements at the crime scene and arrived there believing that what happened between Brown and Wilson was “self-explanatory.’’
Wait.... What?!?!?
I know budgets are tight, but are you *%#X! kidding me?! I didn't realize "Board Certified" medical examiners in Missouri were certified on Ouija Boards.
So, let me get this straight --
1) The killer was allowed to tamper with evidence.
2) His colleagues did not collect evidence from him.
3) The medical examiner just took the killer's word for what happened.
Nobody expects TV cop shows to reflect the way cops actually work, but who knew police work was so cut and dried? On the bright side, today I learned Missouri cops work on the honor system.