At work on Wednesday, I had a break and went outside to smoke a cigarette and for some reason I remembered an excellent joke. As I stood there in the cold windy weather I was thinking about the Thanksgiving holiday which, to many people, is a time to give thanks to God, which is fine, but... then I was thinking about the way different beliefs in God separate people. Hindus in India don't always get along with Muslims. Protestants and Catholics killed each other for decades in Northern Ireland. Shiites are fighting Sunnis in the Middle East. Jews in Israel are not getting along very well with their Palestinian neighbors. All over the world, even in the U.S., there are conflicts based on religion.
Then I remembered this brilliant Emo Philips joke. Which I'll reveal beneath the orange squiggle of heresy.
Here's a link to what Emo Philips (the stand-up comic) wrote in The Guardian in 2005: The best God joke ever - and it's mine! . Apparently some people voted and this is the best joke about God and/or religion.
If you didn't click on the link, here's his joke:
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"
Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
I think it's hilarious. He slices it thinner and thinner until he gets to the point where he hates the other guy.
Here's a video of the same joke. You can see the brilliance of the joke as it's performed (with slightly different words from what I posted above). Emo Philips:
What the heck. here's another video about people hating each other. This is Tom Lehrer:
One more video -- about people loving each other. "Come on people, now. Smile on your brother. Everybody get together. Try to love one another right now." Here are The Youngbloods: