As if David Brooks wasn't enough all by himself on Monday, they brought him back for a return engagement paired with Gail Collins - What's Left of Positive Thinking? If you thought Brooks was bad enough in normal mode (Diary about his column here), what happens when Brooks and Collins attempt some light-hearted drollery on just how horrible the world has become reaches jaw-dropping levels of... words just can't do justice to the spectacle.
More below the Orange Omnilepticon. WARNING - do not attempt to read while eating or drinking anything. Not for the faint of heart.
Someone, somewhere thought with all the bad news out there - ebola, Global Warming, Syria, ISIS, the NFL, etc. etc., it would be useful? a public service? to have Brooks and Collins try for a light-hearted take on things. This is kind of like thinking Armageddon would be improved by adding a laugh track, but I digress. The result is What's Left of Positive Thinking?
Only a few examples will be pulled out here for examination, much as one does not pile up all the U-235 in one place lest it go critical. Let's start by looking at what Gail Collins tries to do when she submits a column to some of the most valuable editorial space on the planet, and how Brooks answers.
Gail Collins: David, do you have a goal as a column writer? One of my major ones has always been to write about the events of the day without making readers want to throw themselves out a window.
David Brooks: My goal was to be mentioned in a tweet by John Legend. That happened after I wrote a column copping to smoking weed in high school. Since then my life has been flat, arid, scarcely worth living.
Let me give you a minute or two to wrap your head around that, so you can brace yourself for the follow-up:
Gail: I was asking because my don’t-make-readers-suicidal goal has gotten harder to achieve lately. Geesh, I’ve never seen so much bad news. I’m hoping you’ll inspire me to be upbeat.
David: I know exactly how you feel. Things are so bad I’ve been turning to Swedish cinema from the 1950s to cheer myself up. As a general rule, people who work in or cover politics are depressed, people who work in business are optimistic, people who work in tech are insanely optimistic. Maybe you and I should write about innovations in dating apps.
Somewhere the ghost of Johannes Gutenberg is regretting the whole idea of moveable type. Somewhere the sprit of John Peter Zenger is sunk into despair. But hey - at least we can find some sunshine in the Middle East, right? Skipping down the page...
Gail: You don’t scare the pants off the public to make your point. I think Lindsey Graham should be expelled from the talking-heads franchise.
However, he did make me realize that I’m more optimistic about the Obama strategy than I realized. I think it’s going to cost a stupendous amount of money. I worry about innocent civilians getting caught in the airstrikes. I have grave, grave doubts about those rebel Syrian fighters the administration wants to train. But compared to Lindsey I’m a veritable sunbeam.
David: I actually think this policy is extremely likely to succeed. After all, we don’t have to win this war. We just need to screw up less than ISIS. This is extremely likely. What is ISIS? One part Western lunatics who want to ride around in jeeps killing people. One part Sunni opportunists who are still looking for their post-Saddam employment opportunities. And one part religious nut, whose vision of the future involves moving to the 12th century. There is little chance these loons are going to be able to sustain a government without generating enormous opposition. If we just keep the pressure on, ISIS will crumble eventually. Though not, unfortunately, before changing their name six more times.
There's more in this vein, including some profound musing on Football, 10 more years of writing about Hillary Clinton, and Brooks most quotable line in the whole piece:
One of the reasons I’m able to remain a conservative is that I don’t actually live among them. (I’m kidding).
Read the whole thing, if only to better appreciate a world where these two get paid to spread their words of wisdom and share their deep insight week after week in the Times. Do not think about the voices we never hear, but should. Do not think about the people who have lost their lives committing real journalism while these two enjoy their gigs as courtier clowns to the VSP class. Do not think how depressing it is that these two apparently get to do this every Wednesday. Do not think. It would give Collins a sad if you threw yourself out a window.
Tom Tomorrow nailed it back in July.