I freely admit that I've done my share of stupid things in life. I usually learn from my mistakes, although sometimes the lesson takes a while to sink in.
One of my dumber moves was the time I decided to teach my cat to walk on a leash, and then took her to the park.
Don't worry, the cat's fine. Some dog owners my be traumatized for life, however.
Now forgive me, but I had never had a cat before and was new to the ways of felines.
This was some years ago. I'd been through a couple bad relationships and was in a bit of funk. I decided that I was tired of being the only alive in my house. I oringinally wanted a dog, but living in a condo is not the best place for a dog. Plus dogs are pack animals and my work schedule would have left the dog alone for most of the day.
"Aha!" I thought. A cat is the perfect solution. They eat when they want and they poop in a box. Very low maintenance.
So off I went to the shelter. But how to pick one out? There were so many. Then I noticed that this one young cat (six months old maybe) kept sticking its paw out of the cage and crying when I walked by. I asked if they could let it out of the cage and it immediately jumped up on my shoulder and started licking my ear. Well, that was easy. I think this one picked me! Off to the vet for a checkup and spaying and it was done. I didn't have it in me to have her de-clawed even though the vet suggested it.
That was how I came to live with Patches aka Pook, Pookie, Pookie-cat, Squeak, Squeaker, or just "Cat".
She's probably 6-8 months old in this picture.
Six months or so later and Patches had grown to be a big healthy girl of 13 pounds or so. This was when I got the crazy idea of leash training her. I'd seen cats on leashes before so I knew it could be done. After a little research, it really wasn't that hard and I had her walking on the leash/harness in about a month.
Full grown and quite the regal lady.
As I hope not to pull back a bloody stump.
Emboldened by my quick success I decided to take her to one of the local parks. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've since learned a few things about cats.
1. They're territorial. Mostly they don't like to leave their territory - ever.
2. Most of them don't like riding in cars.
3. You really can't make a cat do something it doesn't want to do.
4. Cats are well equipped to defend themselves.
5. Pound for pound cats are very formidable.
Something you don't see every day. A cat in a DeSoto.
So off to the park we went. Our little trip started out well enough. She was a little skittish, slinking low to the ground like cats do when they're scared. Soon enough though she was happily exploring with me following her on the leash.
That was when we ran into the dogs. You see, people like to walk their dogs at this park. They also like to ignore the signs about keeping your pets on a leash. That's how my poor little kitty cat came to be surrounded by three medium-sized dogs of indeterminate breed while their owner rather ineffectually tried to call his dogs back.
Oh what a mess this is turning out to be! At this point I was getting rather torqued at the dogs' owner. The next words out of my mouth were going to be "Sir, either control your dogs or I'll do it for you and you won't like how I do it!" I never got a chance to say anything, however.
You see, I no longer had a cat on a leash. I now had hold of some sort of demonic hell-beast. 13 pounds of hissing, spitting, screeching feline reared up on its hind legs and lunged at the dogs with teeth bared and claws extended. The three dogs wanted no part of this and quickly backed away.
Whoa! I didn't know they could do that! Cats are bad-ass! Who knew?
I took her back to the car saying "Who's a good little hell-beast? You are!"
Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
Now a smart man would have learned his lesson that day but sadly I did not. Like I said before, sometimes it takes a while to sink in.
A week or so later I took her for another walk in the park. A woman came by, walking her black lab on a leash. This was a good sized lab, 60-80 pounds I would guess. Being good-natured as most labs are, it walked up to Patches and stuck its nose in her face. Just a friendly greeting.
Bad move dog.
Before we could intervene the cat went full offensive. The poor dog tried to defend itself but it was badly outmatched. Round and round they went, leashes getting tangled. Hissing, screeching, barking, growling, teeth snapping. At one point I'm pretty sure the cat was up on the dog's back, hanging on with all four sets of claws.
Oh what a mess this is! Somebody has to do something and I guess that somebody is me. I reached my right hand into the swirling mess of fur, teeth and claws, grabbed hold of something, and pulled back - one very pissed off cat.
If you want to know what the experience was like, stick your hand in a Cuisinart and hit the "Puree" button.
I was bleeding. The dog was bleeding. The dog's owner was bleeding. Everyone was bleeding except you-know-who. Fortunately I'd been wearing a leather jacket, but even so her claws had gone all the way through it and punctured my wrist.
Apologizing profusely I got Zena Warrior Princess back to the car. Later that day she still had tufts of black lab fur stuck between her claws.
She doesn't go to the park any more. At 16 years old she's just as feisty as ever and proudly rules her territory.
Queen of all she surveys.