President Obama's
nth-dimensional plan to
start a war in the Middle East
suffered a
potentially fatal blow this week, when his Secretary of State "
accidentally"
opened the door to peace.
The White House quickly spun into action, hoping to close the door before anyone noticed, but it was already too late.
For there, in the foyer, sat Putin—Vladimir Putin—atop a grizzly bear, shirtless.
He had Obama, and America, at 'privyet'; but he didn't stop there.
After graciously offering to destroy Syria's chemical weapons stockpile with his fists, Putin completely swept us off our feet with his New York Times op-ed—in which he reminded us (nevar forget!!!!1!) that we're all equal (some more than others).
That's the way your hard-core Commie works.
Morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Sen. Bob Menendez (D-NJ); Sen. Roy Blunt (R-MO); Former Treasury Secretary Hank Paulsen; Former Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA); Maria Bartiromo (CNBC); Presidential Leadership Roundtable: Bob Woodward (Washington Post), Author Richard Wolffe, Kathleen Parker (Washington Post) and Republican Strategist Ana Navarro; Foreign Policy Roundtable: Tom Friedman (New York Times), Robin Wright (Wilson Center), Jeffrey Goldberg (Bloomberg News) and Andrea Mitchell (NBC News).
Face the Nation: Sen. Carl Levin (D-MI); Sen. Bob Corker (R-TN); Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright; John Miller (CBS News); Roundtable: Harvard University Prof. David Gergen, Michael Gerson (Washington Post), Peggy Noonan (Wall Street Journal) and Susan Page (USA Today).
This Week: President Barack Obama; Roundtable: Cokie Roberts (ABC News), Republican Strategist Matthew Dowd, Paul Gigot (Wall Street Journal), Rep. Justin Amash (R-MI) and Rep. Donna Edwards (D-MD).
Fox News Sunday: Rep. Michael McCaul (R-TX); Rep. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD); Roundtable: Brit Hume (Fox News), Former Rep. Jane Harman (D-CA), Bill Kristol (Weekly Standard) and Charles Lane (Washington Post).
State of the Union: Rep.Mike Rogers (R-MI); Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-MD); Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA); Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-UT); S.E. Cupp (CNN); Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich (R-GA); Neera Tanden (Center for American Progress); Cornell Belcher (CNN); Sen. Bob Casey (D-PA); Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI); Former Chief Weapons Inspector David Kay; Former CENTCOM Commander in Chief Gen. Anthony Zinni; Former U.S. Under Secretary for Political Affairs Nicholas Burns; Danielle Pletka (American Enterprise Institute); Former Chief of Staff to Leon Panetta Jeremy Bash: Democratic Strategist Donna Brazile; Republican Strategist Ana Navarro.
Evening lineup:
60 Minutes will feature: interviews with Syrian President Bashar al-Assad and President Obama (preview); an interview with Deputy CIA Director Michael Morell (preview); and, a report on Colorado's thriving medical marijuana industry (preview).
On Comedy Central...
Jon Stewart took issue with some of the claims Vladimir Putin made in his New York Times op-ed.
The Daily Show
Monday: Former Secretary of Labor Robert Reich
Tuesday: Actor Jake Gyllenhaal
Wednesday: Actor Hugh Jackman
Thursday: TBA
And Stephen Colbert exposed Rand Paul's hypocrisy vis-à-vis Syria.
The Colbert Report
Monday: Author Andrew Bacevich
Tuesday: Secretary of Education Arne Duncan
Wednesday: Author Nicholson Baker
Thursday: Musician Jack Johnson
Elsewhere...
The Texas Board of Education cast a critical eye on science.
Official reviewers for the Texas Board of Education had some interesting things to say about the state's latest round of textbooks, which if selected could spread to much of the rest of the nation.
"I feel very firmly that 'creation science' based on Biblical principles should be incorporated into every Biology book that is up for adoption," one reviewer wrote, according to records from the panel. Another chides the textbook for asserting there is fossil evidence for evolution, and says students should be presented with "alternative theories." Yet another refers to the "peppered moth scenario" as "discredited," even though it has been upheld by mainstream scientists.
Meanwhile, in other news...
It's hard to see what can possibly go wrong with Iowa's decision to issue gun permits to blind people.
The permits allow legally blind applicants to purchase weapons and carry them in public. Per state law, any attempt to deny an Iowan these rights based on physical ability would be illegal, reports the Des Moines Register.
"When you shoot a gun, you take it out and point and shoot, and I don't necessarily think eyesight is necessary," said Michael Barber, a blind man interviewed by The Register at a gun store in Iowa last month. [...]
Explains Delaware County Sheriff John LeClere, "If you see nothing but a blurry mass in front of you, then I would say you probably shouldn't be shooting something."
And, speaking of deadly weapons...
Pat Robertson suffered defeat at the hands of teh ghey.
Octogenarian bastion of hate Pat Robertson has lost his fight to keep his "Gays Aids Ring" comments off the Internet. Guess the world will have to live with his theory that gay people spread AIDS by cutting people with special rings.
Robertson's CBN had tried to remove the video from the Internet, first by claiming copyright infringement and having it removed from Youtube and Dailymotion, then by editing it out of its own rebroadcasts.
RightWingWatch.com, which originally posted the video, filed a counterclaim with Youtube that the video was protected by fair use. Youtube sided with Right Wing Watch and has now restored the video.
God save the Tsar!
- Trix