Quickly backfilling the immense intellectual void left by the departing Michele Bachmann, today's insipid comments are brought to you by Ann Romney. Evidently she's still smarting from the fact that the American electorate opted for another four years of Kenyan Muslim Socialist the Obama presidency rather than electing the creepy reptilian executive who fired their dad or mom and shut down the only employer in town. No offense to reptiles. You know that Cassandra is a big fan of Teh Dinosaurs.
These days, Brontosaurus romneii is still wondering how his presidential cakewalk took a wrong turn and landed him in the Tar Pits of Doom. His only consolation is that he didn't gamble a penny of his half-vast wealth on the debacle, thanks to the generosity of Casinosaurus adelsonii and other GOPasaur donors.
Thus it has fallen to his mate, the cold-blooded Dressageasaurus cruella to carry on the dynastic whine. Sensing a moment of weakness in a "scandal"-plagued White Cave, she has decided that the world could no longer rotate on its axis without her incisive analysis of the Current Difficulties, noting:
“I think it’s hard with what the country is going through right now,” Romney said on CBS’ “This Morning.” “There’s been a breach of trust that we, as all Americans, feel with our government.”
B. romneii knows
a lot about trust. He's worked the long con many a time, whether on Pavlovian GOPasaur donors who paid to listen to him write off 47% of their fellow Americans, or greedy investors eager get in early on his latest business venture. All the while, his half-vast wealth sits untouched in the Caymanian Caverns. Well, perhaps not untouched. One can quite easily picture the Pale One touching his funds with an affection never lavished upon the chilly D. cruella. But... I digress...
You, gentle reader, will be shocked, shocked to learn that:
Romney, the wife of failed 2012 GOP nominee Mitt Romney, hadn’t been directly asked about the president or the scandals before making her comments.
Let's read that again, just for the sheer joy of it:
Romney, the wife of failed 2012 GOP nominee Mitt Romney
Okay, now we can move on to the insightful remarks you've been craving:
“If we look at the three scandals that are going on right now, and in particular, I saw the polling numbers with how people are upset with the IRS scandal,” she said when asked to explain her comment. “We have to have trust in our government. We have to believe that they’re doing right for us. When we feel like they’re breaking our trust, it’s deeply troubling.”
Brontosaurus romneii would
never have broken the people's trust!
Never! If he told you that your job at the factory was safe, you could take that to the
bank unemployment office. If he promised a deep-pocket investorsaur that their profits were guaranteed, they could book the profits and buy a yacht. If he promised to pay his campaign staffers for their endless hard work, he'd
cancel their credit cars immediately on learning that he'd lost, stranding them without airfare home make good on his word and throw in a nice bonus.
D. cruella's latest pronouncements, dire though they may sound, are little more than an aftershock of the Tremor of Reality. According to the White Eohippus Prophesy, it was their her turn! All this was supposed to be theirs hers! Even though they lost the election, surely the witless votersaurs would have realized the error of their ignorant ways, and begged, begged!!! B. romneii to oust the Brown One and fix everything just as he promised he would.
Instead, the stock market's at an all-time high, we're winding down the war in Afghanistan and resisting the exhortations of Getoffamylawnasaurus mccainii to drag us into a war in Syria. The federal government is assisting victims of epic storms (although Obamasaurus rex has been palling around with Behemasaurus christii), and there are signs that the housing market's picking up and unemployment has been on a slight increase.
Numbers released today on the approval ratings for Obamasaurus rex reflect a dip to an apocalyptic 45%, clearly proving that his impeachment is only nanoseconds away. The American votersaurs are - maddeningly - more concerned with what goes on in their cave than in the White Cave. They certainly don't seem to care what goes on in the many well-appointed Romneiian Caves.
Sadly, we'll never know how things would have turned out had D. cruella ousted Superflotusaurus michelleii. We can't run two parallel experiments, then retroactively select the arrangement that worked best for those who really mattered: the American people. D. cruella will continue to harangue all creatures in the drainage basin with her sniveling vocalizations. The creatures, for their part, will look up, nonplussed, and ask
"Dressageasaurus who?™"