I recently reached a very, very dark time in my life. I reached it unexpectedly and when it happened, I shrieked, "Noooooooooooo," but it made no difference. It was done. And I was terrified. I didn't know how I would go forward, and I couldn't imagine what life would be like in the coming days.
What was this awful turning point in my life, you ask? I...I...I beat Angry Birds Seasons.
This is significant because Angry Birds Seasons was the last game in the Angry Birds franchise I had to beat. I'd already made it through the original Angry Birds, Angry Birds Rio, and Angry Birds Space (my favorite one, for the record). I can't even begin to tell you how many hours I've spent since I bought my iPhone working on Angry Birds. I became a frickin' pro. Or, it might be more accurate to say I became obsessed. If you want to know what I was like while playing Angry Birds, this nails it:
It was probably unhealthy, I'm not gonna lie. But now the era of Angry Birds is over for me...at least, until a new game comes out or an existing game is updated. So what's a procrastinator like me supposed to do in the meantime?
Well, have no fear, because right around the time I finished my last level of Angry Birds, the benevolent pootie in the ceiling blessed me beyond words with some much-needed manna. Follow me below the doodle-thingy.
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Please come in. You're invited to make yourself at home! Join us beneath the doodle...
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I saw it in an ad when I was finishing up Angry Birds. It's called Amazing Alex, and it's (this is what caught my attention) from the creators of Angry Birds. See, it's like they knew I was almost done with the last Angry Birds level, so they whipped something up just for me. Or, that's what I'm choosing to believe.
I was skeptical. I'd been playing Angry Birds for months, and I was pretty damn obsessed. So obsessed that I may or may not have gotten some Angry Birds unmentionables. Yes, that obsessed. I didn't know if this new game would draw me in. But I went to YouTube and watched the trailer, and I rubbed my chin and went, "Hmmmmm."
I know what you're thinking. It looks stupid as hell. It looks like something that might be found in the computer lab of an elementary school. I know, I know. I had the same thoughts. But I was intrigued, because the app was getting such good reviews. So I decided what the hell, it was only 99 cents, so I downloaded it.
Several days later, I'm hooked. Don't get me wrong, when I first started, it was so ridiculously easy that I thought it must be designed for little kids. The gist of the game is that you have to use an allotted variety of items (for example, you might get a shelf, a pipe, and a ball) to perform different tasks. You might, for instance, be asked to release a tied balloon into the air using a ball, a shelf, and a pair of scissors. There are also three stars in each level, and you need to capture all three in order to pass with the maximum of three stars. Again, it sounds stupid. And it is. It really is. And the levels start out insanely easy--the game even tells you where to put the items. But they're just preparing you for the levels to come. And once you actually reach a hard level, you'll know it. And you'll be glued to your phone trying to pass it. Here's Amazing Alex in action (and a review in the process):
I'm not going to lie, I spent most of today on Amazing Alex. It's not as cool as Angry Birds, in my opinion (because, let's be honest, it's kind of cheesy), but it's something wildly addictive to keep me busy while I wait for the latest from the Angry Birds franchise. I know I'm obsessed with a game when I start making guttural noises of frustration and have to fight the urge to throw my phone during game play. It has a cute, cheesy exterior, but don't be fooled. It can be a beast. It's definitely a way to pass your life some time.
Because Ceiling Cat forbid I should actually, you know, get work done. Like most of you, I'm sure, who are wondering who in the hell has time for this shit. Well, I don't, but welcome to my life.
But if you're looking for something a little fun to consume your entire life and cause the end of your career do in your spare time, do check out Amazing Alex. I play it, and I'm normal, I swear.
TOP COMMENTS
July 20, 2012
Thanks to tonight's Top Comments contributors! Let us hear from YOU
when you find that proficient comment.
From watercarrier4diogenes:
It started innocently, with this, from blue jersey mom in Mets102's Right-Wingers Go Nuts Because Obama Nominee Sent Her Kids to Jew Camp...and went careening downhill from there.
From Dave in Northridge:
This wasn't the best day for the usual comments that make this list. Accordingly, my nomination isn't the usual type of comment that makes it either. In Killer of Sacred Cows' woefully underread and under-recommended diary, The American Culture of Violence: On Vigilantism, James E. Holmes, and Louis Gohmert, whytewolf had this to say. Yes, whytewolf, one of the 12 comments you've made qualifies for Top Comments.
From your humble diarist:
abbyOH's comment about Chick-fil-A president Dan Cathy in Paul Bibeau's freakin' HILARIOUS diary on why Cathy should read the Bible had me giggling.
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TOP PHOTOS
July 19, 2012
Enjoy jotter's wonderful PictureQuilt™ below. Just click on the picture and it will magically take you to the comment that features that photo. Have fun, Kossacks!
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