Today, I found my brother, my roommate, my best friend, dead in his bed. He was cold, and lifeless. And the image keeps popping into my head. I don't want to remember him like that. I want to remember him as he was, vibrant, full of life. He was generous, and kind. He was religious, a Catholic, but never judgmental, ever. He would not say an unkind word. He was thoughtful, and loved debate. He had a very quirky sense of humor, he loved to laugh. That's the man I want to remember. He was young, hadn't been sick, it came out of nowhere. Almost 27 years old, not even out of his twenties. The autopsy has not been performed yet, I still don't know what happened. I am still in shock. Every time I think about it too much, my grief threatens to overwhelm me. I am writing as a way to, I don't know. I have already told the whole story so many times, I don't want to repeat it again. Rather, I would like to pay tribute to my brother, by honoring his memory. Please follow me below the fold.
He was a progressive, he voted for Obama, even though he came from a red family. As a Catholic, he took the true meaning of Jesus word's to heart. He believed we should help others, no matter the cost. He would never judge anyone. He loved everyone no matter what, whether he really liked them or not. And he would do anything to help anyone, not just a friend. He was incredibly kindhearted and generous.
He was one of us, a progressive geek, with a heard of gold and a love of politics. I was so excited about sharing the latest news in the presidential race to him, now I can't. But he would have been excited at the recent developments, being a political junkie. He went blind several years ago. And yet, he never complained. Ever. Instead he went ahead with his dreams anyway. He was a huge dreamer. He didn't believe there was anything he could not accomplish if he set his mind to it. He loved, so deeply. He cared so much. He was a huge inspiration to others, going around and talking about Jesus. He talked about love, kindness, respect. Such simple, but powerful things. He talked about respecting the name of Jesus, and not using it as a curse. But he didn't judge people who did, it wasn't in him. He was so silly, he could find humor in everything. A more kindhearted person you wouldn't find anywhere.
I don't know if there is a God, or a Heaven. But tonight, I hope there is. And if there is, I am sure he is there now. He was not perfect, but he was near it. A nicer person would have been hard to find.
"The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how they love them while they're alive." -Optimus Prime
Life is fleeting and sometimes people disappear when we don't expect it. If you love someone, don't be afraid to say so. Tell them how you feel, next time may not ever come.
Rest in peace, Paul, my dear brother. I know that you know I loved you, but if only I could say it one more time. Just one more time, I never got to say goodbye.
I love you all very much. With all my heart, I love you all.