The trolling here has become so pathetic and unentertaining that I thought it would be a good idea to give a few pointers.
Remember, though McCain points are fleeting, a true master of trollery can become immortal in the eyes of the DK community.
The first step in posting a troll diary or comment is to pick a style. The two most popular styles are 'classic' troll and 'I passed the GED' troll.
Classic troll is the easiest of the two since you don't need more than a 3rd grade education to execute it. By default, most trolls have little choice but to use this method, though more advanced trolls can play with it to achieve new and interesting effects. Here are some of the basics of classic troll:
- Step 1 is to make sure your 'cap lock' button is on. Though one can just hold the shift button while typing to get the same effect, it is best to use the traditional method. This allows you to not have to think about it, since thinking always gets in the way of good 'classic' trolling. Bonus points are awarded if you hit the shift key at the begining of each sentence, this allows lower case letter to be used without softening the overall presentation.
- Never hit your return/enter key more than once at a time. Doing so can create something called a "paragraph" (insert personal visualization of Dr. Evil saying this while making quote marks with his fingers). These "paragraphs" are used to break up seperate thoughts and makes the entire content easier on the eyes to read. This is double bad, since neither thoughts, nor clear presentation, belong anywhere near a 'classic' troll diary or post.
- Periods are a big no no! You are mad! You are angry! You hate lefties! And you need exclamation points to make this clear! Sure you can break it up with the occasional question mark or comma even! But do not under any circumstance use any colons or semicolons (since most people don't understand their use anyway and won't be able to tell if you used them properly or not, thus killing any desired effect)!
- Punctuation gets lonely and so must be used in groups. Never just use one exclamation point or question mark!!! 3-5 seems to be the standard range but up to 10 is considered acceptable. It also good to mix the two so you can let people know how excited you are to ask the question. Do you see what i'm getting at?!?!?!
- Spelling can be particularly tricky. If you happen to be a good speller, then this style may not be right for you. Misspelling, especially for common words, is a must. Though you have to walk a fine line in this regard, since too many misspelled words and you start to sound like pootie. And that's just cute, thus ruining your angry right wing persona.
- Last, but by all means not least, is logic. Nothing ruins a good 'classic' troll diary like a logical conclusion. After all that hard work of typing capital letters, excessive punctuation, and not bothering to use paragraphs or spell check, nothing could be worse than having people actually agree with you. This takes the 'troll' out of the trolling and leaves you looking like some fool who was just trying to make a valid point.
So as you can see, though 'classic' trolling may look easy on the surface, it is actually far more dificult for someone with an IQ over 80 to perfect than one would think. Of course the above is just a general guideline and extra points are awarded for creativity.
The other main trolling style is 'I passed my GED' trolling. This is a completely different breed of trolling, and again is much trickier than it looks at first. The easiest way to indentify this style is by the fact that it trys oh so really very hard to sound inteligent, thus making it all that much dumber in the end. But don't let the dumbness fool you, 'I passed my GED' trollery takes a far more complex mind. To demonstrate the extra complexity, I will be using both numbers and letters in my following list, and not just numbers like i did in 'classic' trollery
- Do not mix this style with 'classic' trolling. Just to be clear, you can not look like you only have a 3rd grade educaation and have passed the GED at the same time. If you do not understand this concept, please stick to 'classic' trolling.
1A) You must make the 'Grammar and Syntax Police' proud. If it won't make your 10th grade English teacher give you an A on it, then its just poorly performed 'classic' trollery.
- You must demonstrate a basic understanding of logic. Presenting your point as a basic syllogism is usually the prefered method of performing this, though bonus points are awarded for using more complex means of twisting logic.
2A) At least one of your given premises must be false or from a dubious source. The fastest and easiest way to a false conclusions, is to begin with a false assumption. Though using habitual liars as a source can also achieve your desired conclusion quick and easily.
2Aa) Mastery can be achieved through prsenting valid assumptions from reputable sources, and yet still figuring out a way to come to some dumbass conclusion.
So as you can see there are two well defined styles of trollery. None the less, we do give bonus points if you can come up with some new ones.
The most important thing to remember is, though you don't realize it, entertainment is the key to good trollery. If you can get us to not laugh at you, but laugh with you while we are laughing at you, then you have truly accomplished something.