It looks as though today was open so I'm just going to jump in here. I've been away from Kos during the primary wars and I know I won't be coming back regularly, but I sure need you all today.
My little Dark Angel, the happy dancer and mighty hunter, La Bella Tessa is gone and left us behind.
Part schnauzer and part poodle, and all spit and vinegar. I can't believe it. Last Monday morning we all (Tessa, Taiko and I) went for a walk, and them Monday night I had to carry her downstairs to go out. I know that humiliated her. She tolerated, but never liked, being carried.
To the vet first thing Tuesday where she was treated all day with IV fluids. I brought her home but she was still vomiting, so back we went on Wednesday morning -- and that was the last she saw of home.
Let's just say she didn't respond to treatment and avoid the details. Wednesday night, as we prepared to sleep without her, my fervent prayer was a wish to spend the night with her in the dream/spirit world. I believe I did, too. Because I woke up thinking that if I had to let her go, then it would be with our little pack together. And I knew that I had to get her out of there. As I grew more awake, I berated myself for thinking that way and tried to focus on her recovery. But I really believe that those thoughts were hers, and she told me what she wanted.
When I went to see her that night, I took -- just in case -- her bed and her canine brother of the heart, Taiko. They were very kind there, at the animal hospital. At my request, we took her outside, laid her on her own bed and sat for a while, alone, under the stars.
Then it was time for her little last rites, both spiritual and medical, and she was gone. Taiko gave her one last sniff and looked at her, surprised, as if to say, "But she's not there!" and then sat beside me.
It wasn't until later that I realized that my worry for her allowed me to completely miss another grief: the third anniversary of the loss of my Mom and my brother.
Life is so full of broken hearts.
I hope to learn from Tessa that each moment has its own joy. And to do a happy dance when I see those I love after even a brief separation. And that even if this bird got away, that I should still try to catch the next one.
Sorry, this is rushed and ad hoc and she deserves something more thoughtful than this, but this is all I have in me, right now. And if someone is out there writing a diary, please feel free to publish.
A link to all the previous diaries.
UPDATE: by request
Future dates:
June 16 - filled by TrueBlueMajority
June 23 - filled by Elsinora
June 30 - OPEN!
July 7 - OPEN!
July 14 - OPEN!
July 21 - OPEN!
July 28 - OPEN!
August 4 - OPEN!
August 11 - OPEN!
August 18 - filled by bigjacbigjacbigjac
August 25 - OPEN!
and on...
PLEASE speak up for an open date here