Happy, uh, Holidays! And remember to follow @dailykoscomics & @markfiore Ho, ho, ho!
Hello, America! It's me, Shoot-'Em-Up Charlie, with my pals Wayne and Dave, here to introduce our new line of bumper stickers! [blam-blam]
You may have seen our recent press conference about gun violence-- well now we're turning those words into bumper-sticker action! [blam!]
First up, "Guns Don't Kill People, Gun-Free Schools Kill People!" (And if more guns were allowed in schools, they'd be much smarter and less likely to fall in with crazy people!)
Then we have, "Honk! If you want thousands and thousands of mentally ill people registered and tracked by the government!"
(Not to mention a five-day waiting period before they can talk to anyone!) [blam!]
Then there's: "Never Mind The Gun, Beware the evil liberal media planting seeds of insanity in some gun-owners' heads! [blam! blam!]
And of course, "Guns Don't Kill People, Hurricanes Kill People!" (And somehow relate to shooting massacres.) [Blam! Blam!]
And then there's "Don't Blame Me, I don't play video games OR watch movies!"
And, "Put America Back to Work: Guns In Schools = Jobs!" [Blam! Blam!]
Or, "If We Can Armor the President's Limo, Why Can't We Make Kids' Clothes Bulletproof?"
And, " You can have my gun lobby when you can pry off the hands of the largest gun manufacturers!" [Blam!]
And our personal favorite: "Guns Don't Kill People, Guns Don't Kill People-- I don't know, maybe it's the weather."
Er, music videos, or Woody Harrelson, er, a low pressure system or something-- but it's NOT the guns, right? Right, fellahs? [Blam! Blam!]